So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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