Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
