Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
