somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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