i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
