I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
