I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
