Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
