this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
