office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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