38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
