Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
