duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
