I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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