Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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