I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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