If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
