Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
