I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
