Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
