well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
