Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
