I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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