Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
