she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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