Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
