I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
