Don't make out with my wife yet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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