This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
