Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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