The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
