This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't turn off my feet"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize