omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
