i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I could make wine with my vomit
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
