Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
