Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
