508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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