So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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