Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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