jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
