I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
do nipples grow back?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
