sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
