do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
