They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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