i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
