fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
