I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
