Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
