You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
