I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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