Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
