Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize