sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
