One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
