I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
