Screwed.edu
Please, let me fuck your mom
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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