ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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