you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
