I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
