Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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