I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
