I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
