I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We talked him into tasing himself.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
