We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
