Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
