Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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